Lance Scandal!!! (forward from geo carl kaplan)

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Anonymous's picture

"The Associated Press Friday, August 5, 2005; 11:00 PM PARIS, France -- Lance Armstrong's record setting seventh Tour de France victory, along with his entire Tour de France legacy, may be tarnished by what could turn out to be one of the greatest sports scandals of all time. Armstrong is being quizzed by French police after three banned substances were found in his South France hotel room while on vacation after winning the 2005 Tour de France.

The three substances found were toothpaste, deodorant, and soap which have been banned by French authorities for over 75 years. Armstrong's girlfriend and American rocker Sheryl Crowe is quoted as saying ""we use them every day in America, so we naturally thought they'd be ok throughout Europe.""

Along with these three banned substances, French authorities also physically searched Armstrong himself and found several other interesting items that they have never seen before, including a backbone and testicles."

Anonymous's picture
Rob (not verified)

After a really crappy day at work.

I can go to sleep with a smile.

Hey what can one say about a people
who think

Anonymous's picture
Christian (not verified)

"Welcome to last week (month, year, decade, century, millenium).

Won't this dumb post ever die? When I swear off the internet, this post will definitely be among the top three reasons. It's just so stupid. But I do note that some clever co-author added a part about Sheryl Crow. Wow, now it's so ""current,"" n'est pas?

- Christian"

Anonymous's picture
Lulu (not verified)

I think that post is pretty indicative of why the French think all Americans are idiots.

Anonymous's picture
Geo Carl Kaplan (not verified)

You don't get it!
We bailed them out in Panama, WW I and WW II and North Africa and Vietnam and every place else. The French can hold their heads high because of the USA.
Who are the idiots? USA for bailing them out, or the French for getting into trouble in the firt place?

Anonymous's picture
Geo Carl Kaplan (not verified)

You don't get it!
We bailed them out in Panama, WW I and WW II and North Africa and Vietnam and every place else. The French can hold their heads high because of the USA.
Who are the idiots? USA for bailing them out, or the French for getting into trouble in the first place?

Anonymous's picture
David Visoky (not verified)
Who Cares what the French think of Americans

The French opinion is exactly the opposite of what the Americans think. Who cares what they think about our country or people - it only reflects on their insecurity.

I'm still very upset that the US gave France a sector of Germany to rule after WWII, a seat on the security council in the UN and allowed to walk into the liberation of Paris.

Anonymous's picture
Rob (not verified)

Okay, enough already.

I really enjoyed the creative writting aspect.

Besides we are cyclists, we don't need
no STINKIN French Fries (unless with steak, a lil gravy)
no STINKIN French Toast (execpt on Sunday with just a lil cinnamon),


Okay 1 out of 3 ain't bad.
You choose the ONE.


Anonymous's picture
Hank Schiffman (not verified)
Historical perspective

If France did not come to the aid of the united colonies during their war for liberation from Britain, the odds are we would not have succeeded (and ceded.) We need to be grateful for their help. And their effort broke their treasury, leading to the fall of the French Monachy.

And if there was no France there would not be a TdF.
And we would still be speaking English.

Anonymous's picture
grant (not verified)

Not to be pedantic or anything but I was under the impression that Lance lost whatever testicles he did have about 7 years ago!

Anonymous's picture
EToainShrdlu (not verified)
Enough already

"Listen, I admit to having jumped on that poor guy from France who posts on our board when he did a riff on me, and I admit to generalizing from limited circumstances, but it's time to call a halt to this.

Some reasons:

1. To the Americans: You can cut out French toast and French fries and not do an iota of harm to the French economy. Those things are made here. Well, they don't get it in Congress, but then, it's a Republican Congress.

2. Any nation that can make a snail taste good can't be all bad.

3. France helped us out against the Brits during the Revolutionary war. That's why New York has a Lafayette Street and a Lafayette High School and used to have a Lafyatte bar where high priced hookers hung out.

4. We've had a long history of friendship with France. For example, in 1876 they gave us the Statue of Liberty, which appeared on a NYCC jersey until recently. We had to let General DeGaulle claim he won WWII, but that was just appeasing cranky old Charlie DeGaulle, not all of France. It's a mixed picture, folks.

5. Don't take personally what the French do. It's not that the French hate us. They hate everybody, including each other. (See ""Guillotine"" in the encyclopedia.)

6. France invented the TDF and has kept it going more than a century. What have you heard from RAM lately? (For you newbies, that's the little publicized -- if it still exits -- Race Across America. Well, it was almost sort of hot in the '80s.)

6. But on the other hand, the French do seem to be suffering from a case of haute envie vis a vis Lance. They were accusing him of doping (with steroids yet) years ago. Now I ask you, has Lance ever been built like a guy on steroids? Somebody finally figured, well maybe he's oxygen doping, and tried to make that a cause celebre. (Another thing Americans got from the French is lots of phrases like ""cause celebre"" and ""vis a vis."" Try carrying on a conversation without them.)

7. The French generally don't get American lifestyles that include obsessive training, obsessive strategizing, and an obsession with winning. Sorry, but that's just so. Just as we don't get it when it comes to month long vacations and free medical care, two of the things that enable the French to enjoy life more and live longer than us, despite all our technology. Just as the French don't get that ""it's not my job"" doesn't apply when you're talking about rescuing 90-year-old widows from a top floor of a 5-floor Parisian walkup during a heatwave when folks are dying. Just as we don't get rescuing drowning people in New Orleans who don't own the means for getting out of town. Just as....

Hey, actually, we're pretty much the same. It's the Croats who are really no good.

""Sooner trust a snake than a Croat.""
--My Uncle Milovan

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